Sunday, September 18, 2005

wHat aBt mE?

very long never blog liaoz...maybe not considered very long lah...anyway...juz want to say tat this entry will be my second last one (last one will be next week) for the time being…cos promos are coming…guess i dun have time to blog during these few weeks lohz...dun worry...i’ll be back after promos...miss me if ya want...hahahahz...
i juz went for HSK exam and only had one word to describe...disastrous...cos the qns are rather hard...soooo “scientific” & “literature”...damn cheem lohz…and of cos...time was another killer factor...i think I’m gonna flunk my oral...cos it was totally horrible...i was like speaking broken Chinese...shucks man...the oral exam was very distracting cos everybody starts talking at the same time...even though...i had the habit talking to myself and talking to voice recorder...but this time...i juz stunned and stammered lohz...having oral thru voice recorder was such a bad idea...no interaction at all...and my nerves juz got me talking nonsense...argh...gonna fail...waste money...never want to go for this kind of exam liaoz...so demoralizing......
nothing much happened in the first week of school...juz the normal lessons...had maths test lahz...which was hedious...cos i left 3d trigo qn blank...juz stare at it blankly...i really cnt see a thing...i dun have 3d eyes mah...actually...i have start mugging properly yet...i’m like in bits and pieces...terrible man...no choice...i have to clear my hmwrk first...b4 i can start on smthing...nvm...jia you to myself......
did much thinking for myself recently...and i made 2 new discoveries abt myself...want to noe? Hahahaz…firstly...i realize tat i do crave for fame…izzit already an old fact? Hahahaz...cnt really rmb...but i do feel tat i want to be in the limelight...hoping to be recognize by ppl...ppl wanting to noe more abt me...or juz tat i want to have a certain achievement in life to fulfil my desires? Cos i really want to be noticed by others...having the chance to show off my talent and ppl appreciating it...but i dun really have a real talent of my own...cos for now...even my best talent, compared to others, is only at a “so-so” standard only...u may say tat i’ve low confidence in myself but the truth around me dampen my mood already...and I felt tat i wasn’t given enough opportunites to shine...but even so...i guess i do not have the courage to grab them either...i only have myself to blame...so smtimes...i wish to be extraordinary...i envy those who really have special talent...but i noe there muz be ppl to be ordinary...and i’m one of them......
Secondly...i finally noe why i am sooo desperate for relationship at this tender age...imagine having relationships at the age of 16 and 28...can u see the difference? At 16 yrs old...u can enjoy hanging out with ur stead at fast food joints…shopping malls...walk home with each other...whisper mushy stuff to other...young love is always innocent and pure so to say...but at 28, things and perspectives are different...it will be more practical/serious/bland...as if it is at the stage of choosing spouse…thus…I really hope to experience a relationship at this age…as i cnt be 16 forever wat...dun really want to miss those lovey-dovey moments...and trust me...u’ll regret it...i also claim to be a love expert...but a inexperienced one...so having a relationship can give me a new mindset on romance stuff...it can be useful...hahahaz...but of cos...i’ll not be disappointed if i cnt find a bf...cos i cnt juz pick any guy anyhow...so i let fate lead the way...it will be like a bonus if i can find one now lahz...hahahahaz…so dun accuse of me being boy crazy now since u noe my reasons…being boy crazy can make me forget abt relationships...but actually...i only crazy for anime guys...which are unreal...cos they are sooo handsome lohz...do u think there are guys in the real world tat are as handsome as comic anime guys?(ouch...sorry to the guys out there..hehez) i seriously doubt so…no wonder i always day dream…cos only dreams got shuai ge…hahahaz...of cos in real life...i dun go for looks cos i am not good-looking either…y so harsh lehz...but character wise lehz…muz be good lahz...cos i am a gooood gal mahz...hahahz...maybe i will have an audition on who wants to be my bf? Hahahz...JUZ JOKING HOR...:P (as if i'll have ppl queuing up...bLaH...)...

tat's it at 12:01 PM

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